Since Daughter & K have been in and out, haven't had any real time to post. So some random pictures I took.....
















The first picture is of a typical clear December sky. I took the 2nd picture when I saw the dark rain clouds--quite unusual in December. There was rain north-east of us and so these ominous looking clouds (though not much rain).




This is Mrs. Santa & grandson at the school Christmas do :)

My grandson K's parents came and he's gone off with him. My husband has also gone out and as I sit here alone in front of the computer, although I'm listening to lovely Christmas music on Accuradio.com, I feel like this.
Having a grandchild is a living experience of developmental psychology. Somehow with one's own children, there is not that much time for observation as you're too busy doing. I agree with such a small grandchild, even grandparents have to do, but somehow (maybe because in some ways I'm more detached as a grandparent) I can get to watch the wheels of his mind turning and changing and growing. Us grandparents just gave him love. He bossed around his granddad quite a bit. But he was mostly very co-operative and enjoyed himself, when he came to school with me. he's generally a reasonable little chap and quite adjusting. The mental and physical growth of a toddler is so great in a year and there is so much change in the one year since he last came and stayed alone with us. Anyway, I'm sure I can now look forward to more visits from him alone, when we can do lots more things together.

Just a short note, my grandson is coming visiting. He is coming alone with his granddad who has gone to get him. So I'll probably get very little time to blog till his mum comes, a week from that.

Hip Hop Grandmom asked me to take on a tag she just finished on 10 things I would like to do before I turn 60 and things I miss from the old days. I think I will also do it in 2 parts like HHG.
So for the first part.. 10 things before 60.
Let me say this first that as I near 60(another 4 years), it doesn't seem like an age which means the end of my active life :)
1. Travel to South America. I love Latin music and Brazilian music particularly--what i've heard of it. (But I'm willing to take Thailand.)
2. Hope to see the birth of at least one more grandchild, preferably more!
3. Maybe go for one spa treatment.
4. Lose around 10 kgs (ok let's get realistic here--5 kgs atleast)
5. Be more active in working with under-privileged children.
6. Learn to take negative criticism better--without feeling like I'm the most useless thing around.
7. Learn to be firm.
8. Hope to get the better of my procrastination.
Can't think of anything else that I feel I just have to do by 2011. [Look at that date!! to me born in the middle of the last millennium, it seems like some monstrous futuristic date. But it's only the year I turn 60.]

A quick post to say that the computer connection to my room is gone 'cos the main computer shifted places and something happened to the cable connection to my computer. So I've not answered mail, nor read all the new posts the Google reader tells me have been posted. Besides, last night I could not even get blogger.com or any blogspot.com. So waiting desperately for the connection to be repaired. Sorry friends for not being responsive.

A tag about windows.

Onedia had done a lovely post on windows and had asked about the ideas of others (including me) on windows. Incidentally, I took the idea of a collage of windows from her post.
Well, let's take the literal windows first,
1. The windows are open to let in fresh air(almost 24x7 in most parts of the house).
2. To catch the breeze, when it's the season for it;
3. To watch the rain;
4. To hear the sounds outside (various bird calls, depending on the time of day, the breeze singing through the trees, children playing, music from the music lessons over at sis-in-law's place)
5. To sit and dream by.

Now for the 'symbolic' window, the windows of my mind..............
Well, I had done this post last year about my mind rooms which had 3 windows looking out. Those windows were open to catch the breezes (I love a strong breeze) and to look at the beauty in the world outside.
But after reading what Onedia had to say about her symbolic windows, I wonder whether my mind windows aren't a bit smoky just now, not clear enough to see clearly, too inward looking? If my windows were clearer I would probably see the beauty in the world outside, the goodness and beauty in the people I meet--in person and on the Net--, people with totally different ideas and opinions from me and who may not like me at all, but still have the right to be out there.

Pictures of windows all taken by daughter in law/son and 2 by me.

Not for me the rough seas

Picture of Kovalam. Credits to my daughter-in-law.

Not for me the rough seas of turbulent emotions;

The swirling murky waters of a troubled sea,

Not the riding up on the crest of the choppy wave

To drop into the trough.

For me, I strive for the serenity of a calm ocean,

(Kovalam on a sunlit December morning?)

The clear waters of awareness, of quietitude,

Flowing like a balm through me.

No exciting surfer’s paradise;

Rather, the staid peace of a gentle sea.

My rant about the many multi-storeys coming up around us is here.
Incidentally, that is a family blog about which everyone knows, with more than one contributor and which I have kept separate from this. This blog only my children know about and which I have not told extended family about.

Take a look at the 'Barbie girls' dancing here!

As for the cold, am feeling better. I've been feeding the cold with a vengeance :)

Am in the starting stage of a bad cold and for me, when that happens, the whole world gets blue. As a consequence all my hard won self-esteem gets extremely tough to hang on to :( Besides it becomes difficult to sing and after all that's my job! Well, hopefully the worst of it will be over in a week.

Eve tagged me. She wanted me to write 5 things I wanted to post about but didn't post. Well, here goes.....
1. Couple of times when I wanted to rant about events in my life but didn't.
2. As you mentioned about the onset of winter, I too had wanted to do a post about the end of the rains, which incidentally went on & on this year. I didn't but compromised by taking a picture which I've put as my heading :)
3. One about the ever so many flats that are coming around here (with pictures already taken), and the angst it's causing me.
4. A time when I was awash with self-pity but felt that indulging myself like that wasn't such a great idea.
5. A poem I had saved for the longest time and didn't post. But here it is now (so does that qualify?)

To fly free, unseen,

To have no me, mine

No more hunger, thirst, bodily desires

It will be good to be free of my body and become one with the Universal Being.

One day!

So there's the tag done!

I can't believe I'm actually listening to Christmas music--albeit Holiday jazz!! Oh well there's all this hoopla on the Internet (read from the Western world). But I think what really brought home the Christmas feeling was the request from my daughter that her son--who's coming to spend around a week here pre-Christmas--be allowed to decorated the tree with me. That made me search online for Christmas related things toddlers could do, which was when I finally succumbed to the temptation to listen to Christmas music :)

A Tag

This is a tag I found over at Onedia's & Moanna's.

4 jobs I've had

1. Housewife
2. Teacher
3. Marketing & Sales (family-owned firm)
4. Music teacher

4 places I have lived
1. Bombay
2. Calcutta,
3. New Delhi
4. Cochin
(All in India)

4 places I've holidayed
1. Kovalam, India
2. Khatmandu,
3.Europe by rail
4. English farmhouses

4 favourite foods
1. mangoes
2. biriyani
3. appams
4. fruity ice creams

I left out the last one about where I'd rather be, 'cause it depends so much on my mood!

You put on the web cam and the mike and speakers to talk to your children halfway across the world. You see fuzzy pictures of them filling up the screen. You are so busy looking at them that words don't flow and the conversation becomes stilted. You can hear them and see them fuzzily. But that just makes you greedy for more--to reach out and touch them, to hug them and feel their arms around you.
I know that there are so many mothers like me across the world. But that doesn't make the longing any less. Funnily, you go on every day without really thinking about it. But you hear their voices and see them and it all comes back like a flood.
Well anyway, thank heavens for different ways to be a part of their lives, blogs, photographs and social sites!

A song I love, (though I don't know the meaning), sung here by the woman who made it famous, the one and only Miriam Makeba, but sung recently on her farewell tour at age 80! Doesn't she rock!!!

While we were practising the dance, all my young colleagues were complaining about the fact that they all had tummies. They are all mothers. I spend 'thought time' over that and I realised that once a woman becomes a mother, almost certainly her tummy--especially the lower ab--is bound to be a little flabby and then I wanted to tell all the young mothers everywhere, 'Don't feel bad about your tummy. It's because you have been able to be a mother. Think of all the women who can't be a mother (and want to be). Besides, it's because we were healthy as mothers and had the money for the necessary nutrition at that time too.'
So, all you mothers out there, be more accepting of your tum. Of course it's good to exercise and do what's necessary to be healthy. But don't get upset comparing your body to that of a skinny, not-yet-a-woman 18-yr-old's body (which seems to be the basis on which skinny beauty is defined in my view).

Home now after the 'Barbie Girl' dance etc. We were actually part of a Variety entertainment, in which almost all the teachers took part. The kids cheered wildly for everything (incidentally the school has classes from 1st to 12th grade), especially to see their teachers in costume and being nutty. Guess who got a standing ovation though--you guessed right, the 'Barbie Girls" :) It was fun.

Children's Day

Tomorrow--Nov. 14th is celebrated as Children's Day here in India (birthday of our first PM, who was supposed to have loved kids). So the teachers, at one of the schools I teach at, are putting up a show for the students. That is apparently what they have been doing for several years now. I got involved for the first time only last year. So this year I am part of a group who is dancing to--guess what-- 'I'm a Barbie Girl' by Aqua and guess who is the oldest in the group--yours truly naturally!!! After around more than an hour of practice, my body is reminding me, very stridently I might add, about my age. Well, here's to an entertaining morning for the kids :)

Today one of my aunts passed away. It was her 91st birthday tomorrow. She was very much a part of my childhood. She was an aunt who I knew truly loved us. I'm so glad that my brother and I got to spend some time with her in May. She, like my mother, used the Internet to e-mail. But she used her arthritis was too bad to allow her to sit at the computer long enough to surf the Net.
I know she must be glad to have crossed over and joined her beloved husband. But you'll be missed aunt dear!

Diwali

Today is Diwali--or Deepavali as it's known down South, in South India, and though Malayalees don't really celebrate Diwali, I can hear the sound of crackers from all sides! Now the non-Mallu population in Kottayam is quite large. There are many Tamilians as well as Oriyas& Biharis, and maybe Andhrites. I guess that's how come there are so many fireworks going off. I remember when I first came to stay in Kerala how I used to miss Diwali! Anyway tomorrow we're celebrating in the other school too.
Happy Diwali everyone. May your life be full of light and goodness.

An award

"They color my life with the beautiful hues of friendship. Although we come from different backgrounds and cultures we share the same spirit of friendship."

I was given this award by Shari. Thanks so much Shari. I feel truly honoured.
Now to pass this award on to someone:
I give this award to Dot, Esbee, Eve's lungs, HipHop Grandmom and Annie Bluesky of Blogu.

My favourite things 2

Now for my favourite things--
The sight and sound of the sea--in all its moods and colours,
a breezy afternoon,
the weight of a baby on my shoulder,
a warm hug,
the feel of a warm dog under my feet,
browsing through a book store all by myself,
music, music, music--different for differing moods
a comfortable bed when you are so tired,
reading old childhood favourites,
jamming with the kids,
looking across a room at my husband knowing he'll find the same thing funny.
Well, those are some of my favourite things. What are yours?

Favourite things

I had wanted to write about my favourite things. But somehow I just can't put it in the same post with these beautiful, haunting words below.

These I have loved:

                     White plates and cups, clean-gleaming,

Ringed with blue lines; and feathery, faery dust;

Wet roofs, beneath the lamp-light; the strong crust

Of friendly bread; and many-tasting food;

Rainbows; and the blue bitter smoke of wood;

And radiant raindrops couching in cool flowers;

And flowers themselves, that sway through sunny hours,

Dreaming of moths that drink them under the moon;

Then, the cool kindliness of sheets, that soon

Smooth away trouble; and the rough male kiss

Of blankets; grainy wood; live hair that is

Shining and free; blue-massing clouds; the keen

Unpassioned beauty of a great machine;

The benison of hot water; furs to touch;

The good smell of old clothes; and other such—

The comfortable smell of friendly fingers,

Hair’s fragrance, and the musty reek that lingers

About dead leaves and last year’s ferns. . . .

                                                Dear names,

And thousand other throng to me!  Royal flames;

Sweet water’s dimpling laugh from tap or spring;

Holes in the ground; and voices that do sing;

Voices in laughter, too; and body’s pain,

Soon turned to peace; and the deep-panting train;

Firm sands; the little dulling edge of foam

That browns and dwindles as the wave goes home;

And washen stones, gay for an hour; the cold

Graveness of iron; moist black earthen mould;

Sleep; and high places; footprints in the dew;

And oaks; and brown horse-chestnuts, glossy-new;

And new-peeled sticks; and shining pools on grass;—

All these have been my loves. 

This passage is from the poem 'The Great Lover' By Rupert Brooke.

fireworks10,
originally uploaded by suemamma.

At the pre-school I teach at, there is a Club for the young mothers, which was the brain child of the owner/founder of the school. She felt that many of the young mothers needed support, encouragement to bring out their talents, a place for them to let their hair down and bring them out of themselves. She felt that indirectly helped the children. Besides, young mothers with children in the same age group, got to meet and could compare notes and see they weren't alone in dealing with some of the problems they may encounter. Even once their children leave the school, they have the option of continuing in the Club. We teachers are de-facto members of the Club. Besides we have all had at least one child who studied there :)
Anyway today, the Mother's Club had their Diwali celebration, with a light lunch with Bhelpuri and mithais too. I was there to dance Dandiya with young girls, many of whom are only a bit older than my children! But after that I somehow feel OLD, even though I know I kept up with them quite well. I somehow felt that I should step to the side and let these young girls have their space and its their time for their place in the sun.
Well, a little music and solitaire is guaranteed to make me feel better.

Some pictures of my Dobe. She's over 10 years now.



Her own sofa--out on the verandah.

Being an (guitar-playing) old lady!

I received this as a mail from an old friend recently. I felt it so so right that I had to share it.


"The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)."

Well youngsters out there, that's why I am really glad I never again have to be a teenager again --at least in this life :)

While doing Transactional Analysis, a question that was raised was who was a favourite hero/heroine who's character influenced you. As I was reading L. M. Montgomery's 'Anne of Green Gables' series again, I thought about that again. My absolute fave character, who I identified with so much, was Jo from the Little Women series, especially as she was in 'Little Men' and 'Jo's Boys'. As I thought about it, all my best-loved characters were girls/women who tried hard to be cheerful and were basically feminist, whether Louisa Alcott's Jo, or L. M. Montogomery's Anne or Pollyanna (who somehow got bad press in the US later for some reason) or even Jane Eyre. These books are still a favourite read whenever I want a mental boost.
So, who are your favourite childhood characters?

A Tag

I was tagged by Eve about my eccentricities—if any.

After much thought, I have come up with two.

1. Cigarette butts and burnt out matches are dirty I know, but for me it’s almost like a phobia. I used to feel pukey. But I’ve sort of forced myself out of that!
2. I keep things away very safely---and then I can’t find them!!!!!

I promise you Eve, I did try to come up with some more, but there isn't. I'm not obsessive at all--truly. But I am considered eccentric around here because
1. I don't bother to dress up like everyone else
2. I'm not in the gossip league,
3. I'm not a regular church goer;
In fact, I am not much into any of the usual pursuits of women, particularly of my age, around here.
So Eve, you can judge how eccentric I am :)

Was in Bangalore over the weekend. Got back this morning. Went to a Web World, but somehow couldn't make myself post on a public computer!
It was a nice relaxed holiday. But this time I didn't mind coming back :)

What colour is your brain?

A fun blogthing I found!

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance. You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver. You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

What Color Is Your Brain?

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Listening to: Brian Bromberg - When I Look In Your Eyes
via FoxyTunes

Thank you

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate them.
I wanted to add something about the getting out of depression; to all of you out there who are struggling in it, let's face it, some of you may not even want to read about getting over it, because actually your mind just does not have the energy to see the alternatives. Even when you realize you are on the road to recovery--it still takes time. Early through the group thingy I went for, I used to berate myself for not being able to utilize all I had learnt about how to change my attitude and behaviour, in my daily life. Then I realised that it was little, tiny steps in behaviour change, in thinking a little differently, that helped and once again TIME. So, for all of you out there struggling with various kinds of depression, it's a cliche about time healing all, but sort of true. It may never erase the past, or a sad fact, but luckily for us, our memories do a get a little hazy and outlines become a little fuzzy, which makes it easier to live on.
I do want to add that I'm sure in severe cases of depression, medication would be a great help, but I am all for some kind of therapy too, because to me that shows us where and how we can change our thinking, because after all some circumstances cannot be changed and can only be lived around. I also feel having a strong reason to go on living (in technicolour), helps one to to get over the greyness.

Yesterday I turned 56. As I made a cake after work and got ready for the family's visit, I thought back to the me I had been around 5 years ago. I saw how deeply depressed I had been.
After my children left home for university and I changed my job for a while, I just slipped deeper & deeper into depression. It was only by rigidly compartmentalizing and tightly controlling my mind that I could make myself get up every morning and keep on living. The fact that I had so much to be thankful for only served to make me feel worse, feel even more worthless. The world was so gray I can't tell you. It's only after I went through a kind of group therapy that change started happening. Yesterday, being my birthday I suppose, I found myself watching each action of mine and thinking how different it was a while back. I am so glad I can see colour in my life again. The thing is, circumstances have hardly changed, only my outlook has.

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Listening to: Paul Desmond - Body and Soul - The Best of the Complete Paul Desmond
via FoxyTunes

compensations

Now that the rains are over the birds are out again. The raucous cry of the woodpecker came to me from the top of the coconut tree, and in the cool of the morning the sound of birdsong drew me out to see a pair of racket-tail drongos at the top of a tall bamboo stalk, singing away to each other. Just now the trees outside my window sway in time to my music to a gently breeze--all compensations for living in smalltown (as opposed to siren call of urbania) among greenery.

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Listening to: Flamenco
via FoxyTunes

Delhi

I was away in Delhi for almost a week for a wedding in the family. My husband is part of a large family. So we were 13 of us travelling together on Sept.21st. In fact we hired a minivan to take us to the airport! The journey was fun--although we took a late flight.
It was a mixed community wedding--a Mallu Christian marrying a Bengali Brahmin. So the festivities extended over a couple of days, what with 2 kinds of weddings and attendant functions. I had a great time. There are more details over on this page.
At the end of the 6 days, everyone else was just waiting to get back to their homes. I agree it was uncomfortable living out of a suitcase and in in one room, but this time I truly realized how much I miss a city. I was seized with a real homesickness at the thought of leaving! I so enjoyed loafing around Sarojini Market all by myself, going to Nathu's at Bengali market with my niece and stuffing myself with gol gappas & papdi chaat(something I'd dreamt about doing for a long while) and just generally walking around in CP and Khan market and eating on the street, etc. Eating on the street and stuff is never done here!
The other day 2 of my sisters-in-law were talking about the fact that they are so used to the fact that everyone around here knows us all and so one hardly has to wait in a queue and how at so many places here you get personalized service etc. She said that she missed that so much while visiting in Delhi. My heart gave a small lurch and I thought well, that kind of anonymity is what I miss so much. (Talk about one man's meat.....) The one time I think that kind of familiarity is useful is when you visit a doctor, because sometimes big-city doctors only seem to be out for the maximum they can make out of you, whereas in a small town like this, where you know alot of people, you feel confident the doctor won't take you for a ride.
Anyway, I am back in small town now and consoling myself with the fact that after all I wouldn't get this kind of space, greenery and the less polluted air in the city!

A Tag

Eve's Lungs tagged me. I find tags difficult to do. But this time I thought I'd finish of difficult tasks first. So here is the tag.

So, here are the rules -
Rule 1: Without changing the first word, after each letter of the alphabet, write a sentence that captures you/your essence .
Rule 2: Tag as many people as you want, but do tag at least one. This is an eye opening experience and can express to those who read it, things about you that they did not really understand before.
Rule 3: List who you are tagging.

A Accept people for they are. Makes life much easier. I may not be able to do it all the time. But I do manage pretty often.

B. Balancing my life is important to me—you see the scales are the symbol of my sign.

C. Change is the only constant in life. If one can accept that, it truly helps in dealing with the vicissitudes in life.

D. Dressing up is not my scene!

E. Ego trips cause problems. If only you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a minute, your own ego assumes less importance.

F. Fun to me is hanging out with Family, no question about that.

G. Genuineness is such a key element in any relationship.

H. Hate hypocrisy. The worst are hypocritical preachers and that means anyone in a position of power talking to the less powerful, whether politicians, teachers, religious people or parents.

I. Ignite a spark in someone’s life by paying a genuine compliment.

J. Judge not your brother.

K. Know yourself.

L. Loving and accepting me—as I am, warts and all—is a difficult proposition. But I’m working at it.

M. Mothering is something I totally enjoy—whether baby animals or humans.

N. No excuses! I work hard not to make excuses because I see it as trying to justify myself for something that I know I ought to have done (or not done).

O. Openness to new experiences makes for an enriched life.

P. Peace (at any cost sometimes). Circumstances and endeavour have given me a more or less peaceful life (thanks also to the Force/powers above).

Q. Quiet time is so essential in achieving aforesaid peace. Helps in de-stressing and in putting things in perspective

R. Rationalizing emotions so often helps in preventing outbursts.

S. Self-pity and self-doubt could make me inert! So jettisoned the first and dealing with the second.

T. Togetherness comes from finding the same things funny!

U. Understanding (or at least attempting to) a person, a situation, a mechanism, anything, certainly brings down one’s blood pressure and makes accepting of said thing (person, situation, etc) easier.

V. Validation from others was something I once needed a great deal. But I’ve almost got out of it.

W. Wishing and waiting for a perfect life to be happy in is stupid!

X. Xerox and Xylophone seem to the only words with X that come to mind. So I’m cheating! Xtremes in moods and/or actions get rid of peace really fast.

Y. Yesterdays are just that—the past. Nice to remember the good yesterdays, but no point living there.

Z. Zaniness in a person (not to extremes) is something I admire; shows self-confidence.

I'm not tagging anyone--sorry EL. But anyone who would like to do this tag is welcome to do it.

Off to Delhi tomorrow for a wedding. Will be back only nest Thursday. Have a good weekend and a good week all.

Singing

Have been busy with this for the last couple of weeks. Am busy this week with dance practices. More about that later :)

I'd posted about cows on the other blog, which reminded me about these pictures taken on my way back from early school. This is cow heaven. They are rice fields which are not being cultivated and full of succulent grass. Every morning a number of cows are brought down here. It's an idyllic setting. The best days for the cows are when there's a mild sunshine. The cows wade through the water, eating as much as they want. There are usually around 2 to 3 mynahs riding on their backs, probably to catch the insects that fly up when the cows eat. They don't seem to be pecking the cows. So they can't be there for the mites on them. The occasional cow that can be watched up close looks truly blissful. Took the pictures on two different days.

I came across this article yesterday (in the newspaper actually), about autism. Well, I'm always interested in brain development and childhood developmental psychology. This one made me think.
John Gray's 'Men are from Mars...' and various psychological and pharmacological studies have shown that there are some basic differences in brain chemistry and in the way male and female brains process information. I guess much of it is now old hat. But it made me think about the feminine and masculine components of our minds. [I'm sure each of us feels that we have both male & female sides to us] So then there are some of us who have a keen fashion sense (like say David Beckham), which is a female trait. Then there are the geeks. In fact read this page for some interesting tests too.
So, what do you think about it? Personally I feel I have slightly more male traits than female traits. But I think that the female traits I do have were more in the forefront and more active when my children were young and at home. But now that they have all left, the male components of me are more active. But I find, after doing the BBC Brain sex test that I'm an average female on the whole.

This is the 3rd tag. Geets tagged me.
My favourite smells:-
1. The smell of moist earth after the first rains. Heavenly! I so love the smell.
2. The scent of fresh limes, lemons, orange peel. Sometimes I rub my hands with the peel just for the scent.
3. The scent of a baby--a mix of milky breath and Johnson's soap & powder. Nostalgia!
4. The smell of coffee brewing--perks you up just with the smell.
5. The smells of baking--whether bread, cakes of cookies.
6. The smell of frying chicken.

As always anyone can do this tag. It's a lovely one.

I was tagged by Dot too a while back. Now for Dot’s tag;-

There are 3 rules.

Rule 1. Same as for the last tag

Rule 2 You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.

Rule 3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

I don’t have a middle name. So I gave myself one—Suma.

S— Shanti(peace). The desire for a peaceful life is so strong, which is why I tend to avoid confrontation (as I mentioned in the previous tag). I have also pared down my wants and needs to achieve this peace. Maybe in pursuing this peace so strongly, I am sometimes derelict in my social duties, but even the thought of a mild social ostracism makes it difficult for me to compromise that. [Or am I trying to justify an uninvolved disposition?]

U---Understanding. Empathy and understanding helps one get through a great many difficulties—mainly in relationships. Under this point, I also add tolerance of other people and their lives. From my point of view, I think I’m understanding and empathic and I feel that has helped me greatly in trying to see things from someone else’s view point.

M—Music. Ah what would my life be without it? I have loved music and sung all my life—as far back as I can remember. My mother sang and all my siblings sing. My children all sing too and play musical instruments. In my husband’s family too music is important and there is very rarely a family social occasion where there is no singing. However down I feel or tired, music always helps me feel better. My taste in music is pretty eclectic I guess and depends largely on my mood. I listen to everything from oldies rock & pop to jazz, especially Latin jazz and classical music both Western and instrumental Indian. But you can say my favourite is jazz, particularly Latin jazz.

A—Accommodating. Well I had to think long and hard about what to put down for A and this is all I came up with. I looked up accommodating in freedictionary.com and figured it was basically what I was trying to describe about me, particularly this one :-

good-natured - having an easygoing and cheerful disposition; "too good-natured to resent a little criticism.

So that’s it. Now I have to tag 4 people. Maybe lawyeramma, beks geets and hiphopgrandmom may not mind doing it? Actually anyone who wants to do it is welcome. But please do leave a comment if you’ve done the tag.

Now I have 3 tags to do(re my last post). I thought I'd post one tag per day.

First one--Eight truths/facts tag.
I was tagged a really long while back by Shari of Daily Three. Sorry Shari for taking so long.

Here are the rules for doing the tag:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
But I think I’m changing rules 4 & 5. Since many of the bloggers I read regularly have all done some variation of this tag(meme), I’m not tagging anyone.
So here’s my rule no. 4 If someone comes across this blog and decides to do the tag, please do, but, please leave a comment saying that you have done the tag.


Now to the tag itself:

1. I feel most embarrassed when I have to say anything about myself, which is why I take so long to do tags.
2. I am basically a lazy person and most of all where cooking and exercising are concerned. I know I’m fat and need to lose a great deal of weight, but motivating myself to exercise is so very difficult. Making myself cook is even worse, but that I have to do.
3. I totally love the company of young children. The affection that 2 to 8/9 year-olds give you is absolutely unalloyed and is conditional only on the genuineness of your interest and affection for them. [Hence I’m a nursery teacher.]
4. Among the things I love to do are read, listen to music and sit at the computer. But my absolute favourite things is to get together with the family and have a sing-song/jamming session.
5. I guess you could call me a feminist—at least by Indian standards. I tried to bring up my daughter and my sons similarly. I think that marriage is a partnership between equals. Yes we may be made different, but that doesn’t make either less in anyway. I think I feel that way about my daughters-in-law too and I certainly hope they get those vibes too. I don’t know whether I’m making proper sense here, but what I’m trying to get across is that I believe in women’s equality and have tried to practise it too.
6. I’m short—5’ nothing. Add to that overweight, so dumpy would be the word for me.
7. I am interested in nature and how things work. You could say I have a scientific bend of mind—maybe not as much as some in my family—but just about.
8. I hate confrontations. I very rarely argue with anyone and very rarely lose my temper too. I'd rather give up something than get into a confrontation.

So that is Tag number one done. Please feel free to take on the tag anyone who drops by, but let me know if you do do the tag.

Just an interim(while I think out stuff for 2 tags)
One of my favourite pieces of music--



Terrific version.
Me's comment reminded me I hadn't put a name to the above. It's Dave Brubeck with 'Take Five'.

Post Onam

Now that i'm back at my computer, here are some Onam time pictures:-

Natural pookalam;









Wild flowers in the hills;




















Last, a butterfly on the wing.

Happy Onam

Happy Onam to all. My husband and I are spending it with my kids out of town. As I'm not at my own computer I can't put up the pictures on my camera. So will have to make do with other pictures.

Here's one more picture. It's of the heliconia, growing jungle-like in the side yard.

Just wanted to say that the picture in my header is also from around here, taken by my daughter- in-law, last monsoons. This year too, during the monsoons, there were days looking like that.
Incidentally, we have the rain back today and now the sounds from outside my window are a steady, light, drip-drip and a loud chorus of crickets/cicadas. There are no bird sounds today. Certainly not my day to listen to Latin jazz 'cos to me listening to Latin jazz needs a breezy, lightly sunny afternoon :)
So listening to classical piano instead.

Irumban Puli

Some more pictures of the flora around. I don't know what the botanical name of this plant is. The fruits are fairly small and are green even when ripe and are very sour--called irumban puli here. The flowers are really small. Does this tree grow anywhere in North India I wonder.

Rambutan pictures

Just some pictures I took a while back of rambutans. I so love the contrast of red & green!



















These I arranged on a banana leaf.

Onam's coming!

It's a lovely lovely Onam-time kind of day out today--in fact it's been like that since Sunday. Funny really, because Sunday was 'Karkida vaavu' (new moon) and in years gone by, that was supposed to be the time when there was supposed to be the last of the really heavy rain for the South West monsoons. But whatever, it's beautiful out. I do love this time of the year here.
Here's a little share of the day outside:)


As you can see I'm listening to jazz, the perfect accompaniement for a breezy afternoon.
----------------
Now playing: Ella Fitzgerald - The Very Thought Of You
via FoxyTunes

more K

Well, K's back again with both his parents now and is he happy!

K without mom

Yes, K was here with his dad for 3 days. This time though he didn't want to come to school with me cos he was really worried that his dad might also disappear while he was away from the house. So, while I went to work, he kept his grandad on his toes! Luckily for grandad, I only work mornings :)
But we had a great time. I think the highlight though was when we spoke to 'Amrika' on Skype. K just couldn't believe that his uncle and aunt were actually there on the computer smiling and waving at him! He just kept smiling and laughing, he was so thrilled. Apparently next morning he came to the computer, sat in front of it and called out for his aunt and uncle and wondering why they didn't respond. Anyway, that was sufficient incentive for K's dad to get over his fear of using Skype--hopefully.

lovely sunshine

It's been sunny for two days now. Today in fact it was warm and humid out when I had to go into town for various errands. But oh, what bliss it was to have the sun out. I didn't even mind feeling hot, because I am so fed up of the rain! Today, I got to get some clothes dry and now--as I sit at my window at 5 p.m. there is the usual breeze outside. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Here's hoping we'll get a couple more days sunshine at least, more so as my grandson is visiting with his dad.

Tagged by HHG

Hiphop Grandmom had tagged me a long long while ago, to do the thinking blogger tag. I really am sorry that I took so long to do the tag. I’ve been doing a number of things and not really using my comp all that much. So here is the tag at last.

Firstly let me say that I really liked the way the way HHG did the tag. So I have decided to do a group thing like hers. Now for me to tell you about the blogs that make me think—

1. Blogs by psychologists: I am deeply in interested in psychology and that kind of thing, besides which I go through phases of real depression. So I am always attracted to blogs of that kind. In that category there were two. One is Make the Most of U : This was one of the earliest blogs I read. I was feeling tired and depressed and also looking for blogs written by women. This blog gave me a big lift. Pam is a professional of course and so many of her topics are meant to be inspiring. The second one was called Love Honor and Dismay. Unfortunately Dr. Andrew, the blogger, has quit blogging for now.
2. Then there are 2 older people’s blogs, both of which I found when I was searching for blogs for my mother by people nearer her age.The first one is Dot’s thoughts. I love her blog because she is so inspiring. Dot is not in the flush of youth. But the amount she does is truly amazing and an inspiration. The other blog is Monk’s progress. He really does make me think.
3. The 3^rd group is people who try to find things to be happy about. One blog is the Daily Three. Shari is an inspiration for the way she deals with the difficulties in her life. There are more of those
4. Then of course there are all the many Indian bloggers I read, mostly women though. I confess that I read mostly women’s blogs. There is Hiphop grandmom, and 3inone’s blog(though she too says she’s off blogging for while) and Rohini’s blog and various blogs I read off other’s blogs but haven’t added to my blog roll yet.
5. As a 5^th I want to add Blogher, which is not technically a blog but a group of women bloggers only. It is fascinating because you can find—and read clips—from blogs by women on all kinds of subjects. Anyone can join up too.

I’m not tagging anyone. But anyone who reads this is welcome to take up the tag.

A little story of 2 friends (Sorry Me, I'm judged).

I have my own computer connected back to the Net!
I can't tell you how much better I feel. As my husband works on the computer, it is very difficult to get internet time on his computer. Ever since my eldest son & wife got this computer for me, I've become spoiled :)
Anyway, soon after I got my computer back, I got to talk to my US son & wife on Skype and that's made everything much better.
Thanks so much to all of you who have given me so much support the last couple of weeks. Hiphopgrandmom, I do know it's for my son's betterment that he's gone and I am glad for him. It's just that after having had him in the same town for 6 years at a stretch, it was difficult to let him go. Very soon I'll have the webcam set up too and that will improve matters even more.

The past couple of days haven't been good.
Firstly, as I posted earlier, my younger son and wife left for the US on Sunday night. The longest I have not seen any of my children has been around 3 to 4 months. But, what upsets me most is that I cannot talk easily to them. Now I have to factor in the time difference and call a landline and see if they are there. All this time my son had his mobile phone, on which he was almost always accessible and I could hear his voice whenever I wanted--wherever he was in India. Anyway, I guess in around a month's time, when they finally settle down in their apartment and set up their skype and webcam it will feel better.
Then a good family friend passed away. He had not been well for quite a while. He was a warm and generous person and a very good husband, father and son and friend. He will be missed greatly.
Lastly, and most frustratingly, my computer does not connect to the Net. So I have to share time with my husband, who is almost always online! Well, I hope to have that set right in a few days time.

Am in Chennai now to see of my son and wife. I've been managing to hold on ok, more so that I am here now and with all my kids and my grandson. Went out for a big city haircut(turned out awful in my opinion) and sitting in the car with grandson in my lap gave me such a warm feeling. Will put them on the plane on Sunday and then leave here Monday evening. Will probably need to blog badly when they leave!

I feel really, really low. One reason is that a close family friend is very ill and in pain and feeling helpless to ease that is truly depressing. Then there is the fact that my husband is feeling a bit low and that mostly gets me down(guess we've been married too long for it not to). Then there is this reason, which although I'm a professed feminist I can't get out off, is that being a bad & unenthusiastic cook makes me less of a woman(read wife and mother). I know it's stupid and my daughter for one is going to jump on me for that, but every now and then the feeling just takes over. Lastly it is the knowledge that my son & daughter-in-law are leaving in 2 days to live abroad has become too solid for me to avoid facing anymore. Their things have all been moved here and I've been putting things where I want them little by little. But today, when I put away all the food they had in their fridge, it all became just too real and I felt like I'd been socked in the stomach. I realise I'm not unique(after all there are ever so many NRIs* & PIOs* out there) and they are going forth to better their lives. But it still feels awful. But somehow been able to carry on, with the occasional computer time helping immensely. Nothing like playing mindless games! Wish me luck to get over the next couple of days.
*NRI--Non-resident Indian, PIO--Person of Indian Origin

My children are here and it's their last few days at home before their big move. so I don't want to think too much about anything and so can't do a proper post. So here are a couple more pictures I did all using plain old Paint .








.

Saw this test on Hiphop grandmom's site and had to try it out.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

happy 4th of July to all my American friends

Thought I would put up a couple of pictures I drew on the computer, both done a while back. The first was drawn for a child; the second is supposed to be a bright moonlit night :)

Last night we gave dinner to family (my husband's siblings &families) as a farewell to my son & wife before they go abroad. Well, after last night, I decided 'That's it, I am totally retiring from cooking for parties' 'cos to me, whatever I made was maybe not total disaster, but absolutely 'blah'. My confidence about my food has been steadily dropping and I can tell you in this town food is very, very important. Earlier, being a good cook was tied up with being a woman. Thank God that has changed though(that is now it's ok to have men who are good cooks too!) Anyway, next time I cater.

Today was really bright and sunny. The moon is waxing. So I guess we'll get a few more days of sunshine--or at least lighter rain. Just now--at 9p.m. as I sit at the comp with the windows open beside my desk, I'm being serenaded by a full-throated frog chorus and I can see the occasional firefly. They usually start appearing during lulls in the monsoon. Very peaceful.

We have been having truly torrential rain for the last week almost accompanied by really strong winds. So the power situation was seriously in trouble with all the trees we have around. So yesterday there was no getting on the computer. Today power--with the correct voltage--was finally restored around 2p.m, but after that too there were breaks. So it's only now, when I feel pretty sure the power isn't going to go off again, that I have got computer time. Anyway today there was a welcome lull in the rain with a watery sun shining through for about 4 hours. Very, very welcome.

Isn't it fun to do house work to your favourite music? Was busy yesterday with my earphone plugged in jigging around the chores to my fav jazz.

From yesterday afternoon, there has been an amazing amount of birdsong in the trees around our house. This morning, the repertoire was truly amazing--whistling, singing, calls like a mynah. I couldn't resist the whistling and ran out to see. It turned out to be racket-tailed drongos. It's been raining most of the day. So I couldn't stand outside to see them too clearly. But during a lull in the rain a particularly lengthy song pulled me out. Then I spied a pair mating & I realised that all the singing was amorous! Even during a heavy downpour at noon(when I went out to feed my dog) the singing was going on. Later I watched one of them perched on top of a coconut tree--during another lull--making the most amazing variety of sounds. He was presumably a younger one, because he didn't have such a splendid tail though he had his head crest. It's only now--at about 5 pm--that the singing has stopped. Here is a picture of one from Answers.com. By the way, the bird is fairly small, only about the size of a swallow I guess; much smaller than a crow.

I'm sitting at my computer with the windows wide open. It's a lovely during-the-monsoon afternoon. The rain has let up for a bit, it's cloudy, but not monsoon dark and there is the strong south-westerly breeze. But as I type (and search for a monsoon picture online) the sky's getting darker and the breeze stronger. It's raining heavily now.
This time though, the beginning of the monsoon has been really bad because of this.
We have just bought homeopathic preventives for everyone. Apparently in the more rural areas of our town, the government dispensaries are handing out these preventives. I do hope we manage to get away with no problem, more so as my son and daughter-in-law have to leave in a month!

Found this on the Net

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.
Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.
# Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.

This was clipped from this Psychology Today article. Worth a read!

Here are 2 more photographs I took with my phone which I feel quite pleased with!




The sunset on the left was taken from my mother's flat, when I was over there recently. the only thing is the sky was a much deeper red and somehow the phone's camera made it more orangy! I tried with the Irfan view software I had to turn it to the more red colour I saw, but it wasn't working.
The other picture is of my gulmohar in bloom.

Just a random post.

I’ve been feeling low off and on now, which I’ve been doing my best to fight off because my son & his wife are leaving for the US soon. My son is going to study there and they will probably stay on there, for the next 5 years at least. I think the regular readers of this blog probably know all about it? It’s true that this is a terrific opportunity for them and I am certainly proud of my son’s score in his GMAT and sort of excited for them, but that just does not prevent my feeling low as the day for their departure nears.
When your children first leave home to go to University, it’s tough and I used to feel miserable every time they went back to colleges far away from here. But when they each found someone special and got married, I was really happy for them. So that way this time when he leaves, it’s much better because he’s leaving with his wife & I feel relieved that they are there for each other. But that cannot completely take away the fact that they are going so far away.
My son has been married for 41/2 years and has been living in this town for 6 years. Even though I don’t see them everyday or anything (sometimes not even once in a week), it was a warm feeling to know that they were just a 10min drive away if necessary. Now they are going to a continent on the other side of the world and I can’t pretend it isn’t bringing me down.
But I know it’s best for them and I know they are going to do great there. But I just had to put my feelings down, to share it with my blog friends, because trying to just bury the feelings by reading hasn’t helped much. Well, maybe I should jut keep listening to music a lot more, which seems to help the best. Still another month to go though.

I've been re-reading the Harry Potter books, in preparation for the latest one and have been so immersed I haven't even felt like blogging!!! I have been so enjoying myself. Have the 5th & 6th to finish.
I have been wanting to put up some pictures I took with my phone, for a while anyway. So here are the pictures.

A lovely red carpet from my gulmohar tree in bloom.

gulmohars on the car.



This is some kind of a lily I think, which blooms just for a day. When you actually see it, it seems more purplish. On the left is the picture taken with my phone & on the right is a picture taken with a good camera (shows doesn't it?)

Another fun blogthing

Haven't posted in a while 'cos I was travelling. But had saved this earlier and thought this blogthing was really neat. So, are you an optimist or a pessimist?

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass. You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is... But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on. You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

Geeta tagged me.

The book titles in bold are those I've read, those in italics are those I want to read and the others are those I have no idea about. As you can see, I'm not so great on Indian authors!

1. The Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri (made me totally understand all my young ABCD relatives!)
2. The God of Small Things – Arundhati Roy (well I live in the neighbourhood.)
3. An Equal Music – Vikram Seth
4. The Vine of Desire – Chitra Divakaruni
5. Mulligatawny Soup – Manorama Mathai (didn’t know she did humor)
6. The Burden of Foreknowledge – Jawahara Saidulla
7. By the River Pampa I stood – Geeta Abraham Jose
8. My Story – Kamala Das
9. The Raj – Gita Mehta
10. Circumferences – Suma Josson
11. Mediocre but Arrogant – Abhijit Bhaduri
12. The Enigma of Arrival – V.S.Naipaul (for serious readers only!)
13. The Better Man – Anita Nair (I enjoyed it)
14. Fault lines – Meena Alexander
15. The Inheritance of Loss – Kiran Desai
16. Fasting, Feasting – Anita Desai
17. Bookless in Baghdad – Shashi Tharoor
18. Train to Pakistan – Khushwant Singh
19. Difficult Daughters- Manju Kapur
20. Desirable Daughters- Bharati Mukherjee
21. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
22. The Feast of Roses – Indu Sundaresan
23. Malgudi Days – R.K.Narayan (read it a long time ago!)
24. Five Point Someone – Chetan Bhagat
25. Anything for You, Ma'am – Tushar Raheja (your comment makes me feel like reading it)
26. The Moor's Last Sigh – Salman Rushdie (I liked most of Rushdie’s books)

I feel a bit low this evening. My younger brother left today. He lives in the US. He was here for around 3 weeks. I haven't spend so much time with him for a long while.
We are the closest in age in our family and so, when we were kids, were very close--fighting all the time, but sharing a great deal too. But as we grew up and started families and began living on different continents, we sort of drifted apart. We were each of us busy with our own lives. When he visited India, he would spend with my parents where they lived earlier--not in this town and I just went home for a short visit when he--or other family--were there. Besides they never had long vacations and would be at home maybe only for about 10days.
But this time things were somehow different. He was the only one who hadn't been recently to visit with my mother--after my father died. (He had had a major surgery and was not in a position to travel such a long distance.) He had planned this trip with much anticipation, way back last December and had told my mother he would be with her for my father's memorial service and for her 90th birthday, which would have been May 17th. He had told her that we would celebrate it with a party. But it was all not to be (my mum died in Feb). He was really sad that he hadn't got to see her recently.
Anyway, since we were both free (school vacations for me) we decided to go visit the last few of my mother's family and so took the trip to Bangalore. Just the 2 of us went and so we got to spend a lot of time with each other, although we met up with various family members there. We talked a lot and so I got to hear his dreams for his future, for himself and his wife. These are things it's difficult to share just through letter/e-mails when you hardly get to see each other. This time together brought us closer together after such a long while.
I love you brother. Here's wishing you safe journey and all the very best.