31 March 2016

My Elsa died this morning.
My husband and I were away from Saturday morning to Monday noon.  When we got back, my girl seemed a bit tired and was limping.  I looked at all her feet in turn and could find nothing.  The tiredness I put down to the heat.  The next day she was walking better but was still tired.  Yesterday, she did not eat anything the whole day.  By night her breathing had got heavier and she was very tired.  As the night wore on, her breathing became more and more laboured.  But as we have no emergency veterinary services, I had to wait for the morning to take her to the hospital.
At 5 am she came outside with me and just lay down near my feet.  I could take her only by 8am.  We put her into the vehicle but she died way before we reached the hospital.
I will miss her so much.  She played a big part in helping me cope with my eldest's passing away.  She was only 6.
Here is a video of her taken maybe a year or so back
video

08 February 2016

Yesterday

Yesterday was my eldest's 3rd death(say it Sue--'death')anniversary.  We had the Mass in church and the prayers near the grave--which is a family vault--and then my husband's siblings and families, who live in this town, came over for breakfast.  I got through the day.  My children left after lunch.  I loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen and the lump in my chest kept getting bigger.  But after all that, my husband just started saying something about the day and the dam burst.  It took a good part of 15 to 20 minutes before I was all cried out.
Life is certainly going on and I am doing new things some of which are very interesting and absorbing.  But I realise the missing never goes away and I think of so many other parents who have gone through what I have and carry on with their lives as though nothing is the matter, but I'm sure hiding this big pain inside.
Well today is another day.

31 January 2016

'The day I rode a cop car' --link

I thought I would post a link to my memories blog about this post, which wasn't really a memory from way back but happenned to me when I was in the US in 2009.  The whole incident was hilarious.

31 December 2015

Christmas (just) past

And so another Christmas is gone.  I no longer feel the enthusiasm to take out our tree from storage and decorate it.  Luckily for me, my daughter & her daughter came over for a weekend (she lives 2 hrs drive away) and decorated the tree.

This time, for dinner on Christmas Day, my daughter and family and a nephew and niece were with us.  I cannot believe that I cooked a dinner, all by myself, me, for whom cooking is a depressing chore!  We had a chicken roast, a coca-cola pork pot roast, beans with bacon, a mushroom sauce, salad, garlic bread and icecream for dessert.  I think I'm writing this down just to remind myself, at some later date, that I actually did it.  Incidentally, except for the chicken, the recipes I got mostly through pinterest.  Thank you Pinterest!  Unfortunately nobody thought of taking any pictures.

Well now the end of 2015 is almost upon us.  I do hope that 2016 will be a more peaceful year than this one was.  Wishing everyone a peaceful and productive 2016.

20 December 2015

Winter in Kerala

It is winter here 9.6°N of the equator.  The sun shines with almost as much heat as usual.  But the angle of the sunlight is different.  The quality of the light makes the air feel just a tad cooler, the bird calls sound wintry and as I look at the sky I feel a yearning, [as Hans Christian Andersen's ugly duckling must have felt when he saw the other swans flying south at the beginning of winter] a yearning to be a bird, flying high in the thinner air.  There is also a tug in my heart, a nostalgia for times gone by.  The light makes me aware that another year is on it's way out and a new one to come, hopefully more peaceful than this one was.
The shadows chase each other outside my window, but the shadows are fuzzy, not stark and the light gentle.
I love the December light.

06 September 2015

US summer

I was in the US of A for around 5 weeks and just got back a week ago.  As it was summer, we didn't have to load ourself up with extra clothing--our usual clothing for India was enough.  There is a beautiful lake near where my son lives and I managed to walk almost every day, which certainly upped my stamina.  But alas, all the desserts that are so easily available there, proved too much to resist towards the end of my stay and therefore, I have become a little more well endowed.  The next time I shall endeavour to use a little more restraint and only eat dark chocolate and fruits and maybe the occasional gelato!
I really, really do want to go in Fall once.

19 July 2015

Off to the US for a month.  It should be lovely there now.  Am sure it will be very pleasant walking around the lake near my son's home.  Looking forward to seeing summer in her full glory.