08 May 2020

Last 13 years

I came across this blog post of mine posted in 2007.  It was a tag that Hiphop grandmom, a blogger I read frequently, had asked me to do.
When I read that list and realise too that I will now turn 70 next year, I think of what I have achieved from that and think of how much water has flowed under the bridge in those years.
The list then, and what I have managed out of that--(my achievements are in green and what I didn't achieve is in red and the in between is in yellow.)

1. Travel to South America. I love Latin music and Brazilian music particularly--what i've heard of it. (But I'm willing to take Thailand.)  South America is almost certainly out now, what with Covid-19 circling the globe and likely to remain so for another 2 to 3 years (optimistically).  But I did get to go near Thailand when my children gifted me a trip to Langkawi off the Thai coast, for my 60th birthday.
2. Hope to see the birth of at least one more grandchild, preferably more!  Have seen the birth of 4 more grandkids 😊
3. Maybe go for one spa treatment.  Did that, again a gift from the kids for a Mother's Day around 10 years back.
4. Lose around 10 kgs (ok let's get realistic here--5 kgs atleast).  I have been able to lose, since then, around 15 kgs.  (Pat myself on the back, for what I thought was totally no possible).
5. Be more active in working with under-privileged children. Yes and no.  Not good enough.
6. Learn to take negative criticism better--without feeling like I'm the most useless thing around.  Getting there.  Much better now.
7. Learn to be firm.  Not really
8. Hope to get the better of my procrastination.  I realise I procastinate depending on how important the thing I am procrastinating about is to me.

There have been many ups and downs in those years.  But I am still here, much greyer now, and the realisation that I am certainly not growing younger and now, with Covid-19 around, that life is probably never ever going to be the same again, certainly not in my lifetime.


29 April 2020

So goes lockdown.

I was asked by a friend to keep some record for my children during this long drawn out holiday.  She is making journals for each of her three children, with photos, cards and other memorablia.  But for me, I find just cooking ( I am a slow and reluctant cook), cleaning and other household chores leave me very little time other than for my exercise--an absolute must for me and a bit of time at the computer.  So I decided I would, at least occasionally, update my blog as a record.
This time of Covid-19 is weird and mostly I try to keep worry and general gloominess out of my mind by staying in the moment during my work and, very often, by listening to music, which can be anything from oldies, to Western classical to jazz, depending on my mood.  Music really is a balm to the soul. 
If I let myself go, I worry about what the future holds for my children and grandchildren.  When will I be able to see again my son and family who live in the US?  But no, I try to push these away and try to stay in the moment--Zen.  When anybody says, 'Let's plan this or that' I say, 'Please let's just live one day at a time now.  Truly we do not know what tomorrow may bring.'  This virus has really made this clear to us that each minute is new and who knows what the next minute or hour may bring.
Peace to all and may everyone stay safe.

24 March 2020

Lockdown and Introverts

A blog friend I follow said that this time was perfect for Introverts!  That is so true.  I am enjoying being at home, pottering about, reading, watching nature and just being silent.  The only thing I miss is not being able to visit my daughter and family who live only around 2 hours away. 
I exercise using YouTube, as I have almost always done, I take my dogs out for a walk and that is possible because I am privileged to live in a gated community which is largely made up of extended family; I chat with my kids abroad online, as I would be doing anyway.  But the best part is not having to get dressed up to go for any kind of social functions!  That is really bliss.  I suppose though, that even I might feel like dressing up after maybe another 2 to 3 months of this!  At present though, I am enjoying my downtime.  May you enjoy yours.

05 March 2020

Viruses respect no one.

Once again nature shows us humans--who think that they are God's gift to the world--how helpless we really are when nature decides to get going.  Here is a virus going around and spreading all over the world and killing many and all of humanity watches and hopes that they and their loved ones won't be among those who get ill.
In the midst of this danger, I do wish we would all really come to appreciate our common humanity.  Whatever the colour of our skin, whatever religion we profess, whatever party we might support, whatever caste, we belong to, whatever our economic status, the virus can catch any of us and the people who die, die irrespective of these divisions that people have made. 

01 February 2020

And so it's 2020

Finally, my husband and went for a very short holiday just before Christmas with the two grandkids that live the nearest.  We went to a beach and the children (14 & 10) and the both of us had a good time, playing Uno, Monopoly, getting in the water and eating seafood.
After that there was a mega family wedding, which took up about 10 days of time from around 28th of December till January 7th, by which time schools had reopened and I was back at work.  But the wedding was generally fun though a bit exhausting, especially since continuous dressing up is not something I enjoy.
Now, my eldest's death anniversary is coming up.  It will be 7 years since he passed away.  But all the memories remain so fresh and then again, with all the pictures and videos out there on the Web, the memories are kept alive.  I wonder whether that is good or bad.  The pictures that my mind has stored are always there and so very sharp still.  But sometimes, I do go and look at all his pictures in Facebook and the videos of him on Youtube, though the latter is much the more painful and than just looking at photos.  Ah but missing him is always going to be there, a part of my life.

01 December 2019

December again.

And so it is December of yet another year.  Once, in my early years of blogging, and when I was 10 years younger, I would have redone my blog in Christmas colours pretty soon after the start of December,  though I never put up my tree or decorated the house till the middle of December.
Since none of my children are coming for Christmas this year, I doubt that I will put up the tree.  I might just add a bit of decorations here and there and for sure I will hang up the star!  No house in Kerala is left without a star in December!
So, my husband and I are thinking of going somewhere for Christmas this once instead.  We still haven't planned.  Have to start thinking.

06 October 2019

October 5th, 46th birthday.

Yesterday was my eldest's birthday.  He would have been 46.  He was a person who left so many happy memories, in spite of all the bodily trials he had to go through.  He is still so much a part of our lives and the lives of his family and friends.  Mostly we can talk about him without grief, because he was a whole human being, with good and bad and he was one who acknowledged his faults pretty well.  But sometimes, knowing he is not there overwhelms me and I recall an article I read about grief and how it comes at unexpected times and then just takes over you.  I now accept that grief as a part of my life, but I also remember him with happiness.