Grief

 There have been a few deaths of people I know, in our town, in the past month.  The last was a fellow Libra, a senior colleague and a teacher of my children.  I knew her well.

When I looked at her children, somehow I remembered the passing of my own mother--which was very sudden-- and the passing away of my son.  I remember thinking, especially after my son passed away, life has to go on and all the friends and relatives go immediately back to their lives, because that is the way it is, that is what life is all about, although what went through my mind were the words of the song,       "Why does the sun go on shining, why does the sea wash the shore?  Don't they know it's the end of the world, it ended when you said goodbye".

 All of us who lose someone close, have to swim, wade, push through the grief, accepting that the sun will shine, life will go on, good things and bad will happen willy nilly and those of us left behind are still alive and will go on living.  I remember thinking I could not strum my guitar ever again.  But slowly, one laughs again, remembers the good times and then one day you know you have reached the shores of grief, no longer drowning.  The hurt of the loss gets a keloid around it, and I am living the best life I can.  Living the best life does not diminish the love for the one gone though.  Memories will always remain.  But yes the earth turns and the universe continues to exist and accepting that is the only way to get to the shoals of grief and come out on the sands of life, to walk the path ahead.

 As the days come closer to the death anniversary of my son, the images come up in my mind's eye, so sharp, though 10 years ago.  His last days in the hospital, his last visit home in January 2013, all those images are imprinted in my memory.  So many memories, if I let myself think, come crowding,  He suffered a great deal of pain in the 39 years he lived.  But he also had a lot of fun.  His tongue was his weapon.  But so much of the teasing he did of others was accepted by them because he was equally ready to laugh at any jokes anyone else made about him.  

As he was my eldest, I did expect a lot from him, and we argued a great deal.  But, as he and I grew older, we got to let go the small stuff.  

Ah well, I realise I will never stop missing him.  Hopefully his musical fun loving spirit is in a happy place.

Encounter with an owl

 The other morning I heard a big hullabaloo in the tree right outside my verandah.  It was barely 7 am.  Normally the crows are not so raucous and don't gather together so early.  Also, a couple of Rufus treepies were screeching away, not their normal whistles.  

So I went out to see.  The crows were all together on the tree just next to the house.  At first I thought it was an injured pigeon the crows were harassing.  But when I looked closely it was an owl.  It looked a light grey in colour and was fairly big.  I chased the crows away and there the owl sat looking down at me and gulping away.  We looked at each other for a long moment.   I went inside to get my phone, thinking I would photograph the owl.  Sadly, as soon as I pointed the phone, the owl flew away.  At first it looked like one of it's wings was not quite ok.  But once it had taken wing the owl righted itself, flying to the trees at a distance from the house.  soon after, there was a flash of smaller grey flying after it.  This made me wonder if it had been a mother owl with her owlet, which the crows had chased.  Seeing the owl at that time of the morning and hearing the protesting cries of the crows, must have frightened the treepies.  Hence all the noise.  

Anyway, the owl seemed grateful for the help in getting rid of her harassers.  The look that passed between us will stay with me a long time.

An iinteresting evening.

 A release of a book of poetry by an old friend of my college days, but who, later in her avatar as English teacher, taught my three children.  The book has been illustrated by an old student of hers, one of my eldest's classmates.  One of her ex-students was on the dais too, as he has become a well know script writer.  She has written poems as tributes to various people, one of whom is my eldest who passed away.

 She was a much loved teacher, who was passionate about her subject, enjoying what she taught.  She was and still is in love with her subject and is always interested in the lives of her students.  An interesting evening, with some lovely poetry reading by family members and the author herself.

6 weeks in Chicagoland

 We had a lovely 6 weeks in Chicagoland , in October, with a wedding in Colorado in between.  This is in spite of a visit from Covid and sudden, freezing cold.  

The wedding was great fun, a nephew's wedding. It is the first time I am attending a wedding in the US.  All the festivities were outdoors.  The wedding itself was unique, because, at the appointed time, just as the bridegroom was walking in, there was a downpour and a hail storm at that!  Luckily a tent had been set up for the food.  So everyone took shelter in the tent and the bar tenders kindly handed out cocktails early.  So, by the time that was over and the wedding could take place--now in bright sunshine--most guests were quite happy and not too cold.

But post the wedding, quite a few of the extended family tested positive for Covid, though everyone had it quite mild.

I had my birthday in Chicagoland with my son and family.

It was a tug to leave them and come back home.  Hopefully they can visit this year.