12 March 2007

I wrote the last post this afternoon, when I was in a better mood. But the fact is that I seem to feel lousy. I can't seem to stop crying! I've always been the one who is strong for everyone else as my family--extended too--will testify. But today I just don't seem to be able to pull myself up. I can usually use my logic, or use escape tactics--playing card games or singing, or listening to music--but today i seem to have no reserves to delve into. Whatever I do, I still end up crying after a bit. I know it might all be part of missing my mother--after all she lived next door to me for the last six and a half years--but I know that if she was here I wouldn't be leaning on her. The only thing is that I know that if she was I would be able to put myself aside easily and carry on. Maybe it's too many days of being ill, which seems to have drained me totally. Even to write a post like this is soooo unlike me. But I guess I'm writing this post because I so want my internet friends to give me a boost.

13 comments:

Me said...

Hugs and more hugs. I know that sometimes a good long cry is what is needed to get things out of your system.

Anonymous said...

Long long long super long hug from the cyber world.... Hang in there...

Geets said...

Rise and shine, Susan girl

We are all waiting to read your posts. So hit the computer, smile and be cheerful.

Geeta

Geets said...

Rise and shine, Susan girl

We are all waiting to read your posts. So hit the computer, smile and be cheerful.

Geeta

Anonymous said...

You are a lovely person and so loved by all your family and friends, as your blog proves. God will certainly help you get through this difficult time. Big hug.

hillgrandmom said...

Thank you so much all. Words do help believe me. I'm already feeling better.

lawyeramma said...

Ams, you really do need a cry sometimes, cos you're always going around being strong for everybody else, and hardly spending any time focussing on yourself. Infact this reminds me about how Mummy called me up maybe a couple of months ago, telling me that she was very worried that you were not taking care of your health, that you had a terrible cough and saying that she felt helpless as a mother convincing you to take rest. so she wanted me your daughter to do something about it. well i remember talking to you about taking rest - but as usual you just brushed it off. hope you do take some real rest now. infact i was telling robi that i was worried about your health, because it was so rare of you to actually mention ill-health for more than 2 days at a stretch

anyway i'm glad your cried long and hard and hopefully got it out of your system, but i only wish i was there to hold your hand. oh and stop being so brave and strong and please do feel free to lean on us and crib about your life and your problems every once in a while! i love cribbing and therefore know how therapeutic it can be!

love you.

Shari said...

Sometimes it's good to just let it out. It's not good to bottle things up all the time. Then you just pick yourself up and are ready to face the world again. You are only human. Let God wrap His arms around you.

Take care.

Shari said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hip Grandma said...

It is okay to cry.after all she was so much a part of your existance.Glad you feel better.You will contiue to miss her.But then we shall all follow those who have gone before us won't we??

eve's lungs said...

Susan - crying is actually cathartic so let yourself go . I remember feeling weepy for so long after Ma died . Its natural so dont fight it . But alongside , please do pick yourself up and remember the good times that you had with her over the years and feel truly blessed that you had her all these years .A big big HUG !

eve's lungs said...

Susan - crying is actually cathartic so let yourself go . I remember feeling weepy for so long after Ma died . Its natural so dont fight it . But alongside , please do pick yourself up and remember the good times that you had with her over the years and feel truly blessed that you had her all these years .A big big HUG !

hillgrandmom said...

Thank you EL. But now that I'm physically better, I'm feeling much better mentally.