28 May 2010

Further unbloggable conversations have lead me to feel..
1. Grateful for the kind of person my husband is--open-minded and flexible in his thinking;
2. Grateful for the good relationship I had with my mother, which I see is really very precious and which has given me the ability to maintain a good relationship with my own daughter;
3. That not being overly possessive of one's children helps a great deal in having workable relationships with one's children-in-law (is that so dear DIL?);
4.That I am much more deeply feminist than I probably appear to be--I truly do believe in the equality of male and female--one maybe from Mars and the other from Venus, but they are still equal!!
5. That as I have grown older, things that earlier made me upset/depressed no longer bother me that much. I am also grateful for the kind of lifestyle and for having learnt when to let go and what to let go off, which has helped me reach a kind of serenity, not-withstanding the occasional bouts of depression arising from self-criticism. Of course I am basically a 'live and let-live' kind of personality, which probably makes it easier for me.
I am also grateful that I got this opportunity to appreciate my husband and my relationship with my mother--both of which (yes *sigh*)I had largely taken for granted.

21 May 2010

A couple of conversations I had today --about certain unbloggable stuff--made me realise, how easy it is to hurt a person with words and how deep such wounds can be and how some people can then say, 'I didn't mean it like that, I said it in the heat of the moment' and think that, by saying these words, the scar from the words should be erased *pouf* gone! Wounding words especially leave a much deeper scar, when said to people close to you and most of all I think to children, especially one's own children, while they are little and even, I think, when said children are adults. I do think that the sayer of the nasty words, by sincerely apologising and by admitting that it was hurtful of them to have said what they did, can probably assuage the hurt a little, but can't completely heal, unless a great deal of effort is made by the person who was hurt.
I also feel that often, it may be easier to be hurtful, lash out, when one is hurt or worried, rather than take the time to think of the consequences of just spilling out the words in their heads! I think too--sadly--that it is much easier to put ourselves into the shoes of friends, colleagues, anyone outside family, and so contain wounding words, than we do to family members; probably the reason why, for many, it is easier to maintain friendships than to maintain good family relationships. To put oneself into one's child's shoes, is I think the most difficult, especially when they are little; because all parents know they know more than the child and they feel they are acting/saying/doing what is best for/protecting/ the child and/or bringing up the best child around. I do think the world would be a better place if more people paid attention to these words by Kahlil Gibran

Your Children are not Your Children

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

words which are embedded deep inside me.
Maybe if we tried more often, to treat family members as we would our friends, maybe family relationships would become better!

10 May 2010

Continuation of the last time :-)

So I met B's nook again at a baptism, as she had told me she would be there and exchanged notes. I found she's only as old as my daughter. She said she was an enthusiastic blogger, but unfortunately, I couldn't find her blog on her profile. She told me that she maintains a cooking blog. B, it was really lovely talking to you. Sorry I couldn't meet you again.