I was looking through some of what I saved on my comp, wondering what I could junk, and came across this.......
"One of the dangers in any kind of eldercare program is that caregivers may “infantilize” the elderly, forgetting that, even with childlike needs, they are still adults, according to Sonia Salari, a specialist in aging and intergenerational issues at the University of Utah. Baby talk, nicknames, scolding, time-outs and silly décor may be appropriate for children, but directed at elderly adults, Ms. Salari argues, they are a form of abuse." This is from here.
I noted this down when I came across it, because this is something I feel strongly about. I have seen various older people (not necessarily very old) in the evenings of their lives and have noticed this tendency to 'infantilize' them. I particularly remember one old lady, who had been one of the earliest gynaecologists, probably, in our state. She had had a stroke and must have been in her late 80s. We were visiting her and I remember somebody was trying to cajole her into eating, just like one would with a small child. This incident must have taken place atleast 20 years ago. I can still remember the look in her eyes, helpless (beause she could no longer talk) at the the indignity she felt.
I tried never to do that with my father during his dementia times. Sometimes it is very difficult, especially when the person does not want to eat the food he/she should, or do something they ought to but won't. It is also very difficult to hold on to your irritation. I absolutely agree on that point and that to keep one's equilibrium, one needs help in dealing with an old person in that stage. But if we would imagine ourselves in that place even once, we might find it easier to treat that older person as an adult (unless of course they have always been the infantile, immature kind of person!).

windows of my mind

I was reading Amy Tan--'The Opposite of Fate'--which is a collection of writings on herself. In it I came across a description of the windows of her study, to quote "It's three bay windows overlook neighbourhood rooftops and face north toward water and mountains." This description reminded me so much of this post of mine. It seemed to me that it was just like what I have always imagined the windows of my mind to be! So I revisited the room of my mind after a long, long while and I found the windows wide open and the room bright and swept clean, full of light. This time there are thin white curtains pulled open at the windows and they flutter in the gentle breeze blowing in. I am quite surprised to see that there are no shadows anywhere. There is no clutter, absolutely minimalist, the way I really like my surroundings to be.
How are the windows of your mind today?

I feel so proud!

Here is an interesting article from the New York Times, which had me shedding tears of joy.

Continuation of last post

I suppose I have been thinking about death also because it will be my mother's 3rd death anniversary on Feb 13th, but for which we plan to have the prayer earlier--on Feb 6th.
Recently I thought about the passing away of my parents and felt that I had been lucky to be there with both of them at the end of their lives, that they did not have to die alone, without any familiar faces around.
Of course, my mother's death was so sudden--although she was 89, she was so all there in every way, even up to just half an hour before she actually passed away. Whereas, at my dad's passing away in May 2006, I was glad that I really got to say good bye to him, as well as to tell him it was ok to go.
For me personally, when I think about the time that I will die, if I could choose, I would not want it to be a sudden death, because I know how difficult that is for the people left behind--usually leaving a feeling of a lot of unfinished business.

I have recently started reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. Morrie's conversations about death and dying brought back to me a conversation I had had with my mother about death, maybe a couple of months before she died. We had the conversation while she was in hospital with a bad bout of infected diverticulitis. She told me...
"When one is very young, death seems so far away and a child is so very scared of death. When one is a youth, a person feels invincible and feels death will never come to her/him. Later, when you move into the real business of living, especially as a family person, you are so busy with the nitty-gritty of living, you don't give death more than a passing thought and there is rarely any time to even feel scared about it. But there comes a time when you are older (she was 89 then), when one welcomes the idea of death and it is no longer something to be scared about, but something inevitable, which is accepted as such and even to look forward to." It really made me see where she was at that moment and certainly gave me a great deal of strength.
I have already reached the age where I no longer fear death.

There's nothing like interacting with young children, to learn to live in the moment! Being with them is living moment to moment, with the past a blur and the future hazy and totally unpredictable. And when your day ends, all you know is the day is over, but the details of the day completely escape you!
Now the young ones are gone and I am slowly settling into my slow routine. But, as always, I think of this song.....(quoted earlier too)
'After you go
I can catch upon my reading
after you go
I'll have a lot more time for sleeping
and when you're gone
it looks like things are going to be a lot easier
life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad
but I'm bluer than blue' especially when I find any of their stuff that has been left behind.

Anyway,we'll soon have a visit from another granddaughter--though a short visit, and a short holiday with our whole family to look forward to in March.

Christmas has come and gone. This holiday was jam-packed with events. There was a wedding in the family and so the Christmas festivities were all bundled up with the wedding. I know my children had a lot of fun with all their cousins (in spite of them being very grown-up adults!). Now very soon they have all to leave to go back to work.
My daughter will soon be leaving with her wee ones. She has been here for 3 months. How the time has flown. We'll really miss her and the grandkids. But then there will be school and another grandkid coming for a visit and so life will go on.
Happy New Year to all!