mortality

My mother's blood pressure has been going up and down. I have talked to various docs and they say it's vertigo. Her Bp also tends to go up when she's upset or worried and there have been a couple of things worrying her recently. But what really worried me was when a doctor cousin said that it may also be due to a carotid artery block/narrowing. Suddenly my mother's mortality became a reality.
My mother has been the bedrock of the family and all of us, sons and daughters, although all over 50, still see my mum in that way. The thought of her not being there one day became very real. I told myself that I would have to accept the fact that one day she wouldn't be there. Of course I had theoretically thought about it, but this time the thoughts were more than theory. It really shook me.
This made me think of mortality in general..... the fact that my mother would almost definitely not be there when my grandson goes to college, .....that I would not be there most probably to see K's grandchildren. That reminded me of the beautiful words of Kahlil Gibran from his poem on children:

"You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."

The poem goes on to say

'For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.'

The memory of th poem eased my mind and I returned to my favourite position-- 'I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.'

A drink of water

This morning, while I was waiting to go to school 2 (9.30a.m), a squirrel came scampering up near me and, to my surprise, ran in front of me. He must have been just about 2 ft in front. I froze so as not to upset him and watched where he was going. He ran up a little wall near where I was. Then I realized it was water he wanted. I have put something like a birdbath on a slightly higher patch of ground. He headed straight for this and as I watched, he bent over the rim, balancing himself with one paw, and drank water. When he'd had his fill, he wiped his muzzle on the rim, licked his wet paw and went on his way.
It only made my wish for a camera phone even stronger!

I knew I was boring, but not this boring! I've written a number of posts but not anyone seems to have read it:(
Ok that's the whine over.
Yesterday I took a break. I took off from School no.2 and went with husband & son to Cochin. They were going on some work & I thought why not go along. It had been quite a while since I had gone to Cochin. Besides, I thought this was as good a way as any to get to spend some length of time with my son, though only on the periphery, as both father and son were busy with work. But it's been a really long time since I got to spend so much time with him.
Fortuitously their appointment was at a place next door to FabIndia. This was the only shopping I had wanted to do, cos I wanted to buy something for my sis' birthday. I am not an avid shopper, but FabIndia is one place I love!
Then my mum had wanted me to go look at diamond earrings. So I went to 2 diamond jewellry shops--which incidentally is not my cup of tea normally, while husband and son waited patiently.
We had lunch at a nice sea-food place.
Then we visited the Basilica of St. Mary at Vallarpadam, which is supposed to be particularly for prayers for one's children. I have been quite a few times. I like going there and I guess in some ways it's a sort of connection to my childhood living very close to Mt. Mary Church in Mumbai.
I had a nice day!

Another short post!

I was thinking how much music means to me. Last evening & this morning I was involved with some singing practice at the school I teach at. Along with me was an old student of mine--now a parent of three at the same school--and his wife. They both have gorgeous voices and what a pleasure it was to listen to them sing and to sing along while teaching some of the 6th and 7th standard children! Has changed my whole outlook on life:)

The mornings these days are cool and pleasant, which must explain the birds I've been seeing. I caught glimpse of a pair of racket-tailed drongos one morning while driving to school and one more at church.
I also spied a pair of black-headed orioles in flight.


I have not seen either of these birds for a very long time.
Wish I knew what their appearances mean!

Mini post 2

Last evening I went for the 80th birthday party of a cousin of mine and it was fun. He is such a sweet person and doesn't seem like he is 80 at all. In fact he and his sisters--the youngest of whom is 67--are all exceptionally young at heart and so full of energy. Last year the four sisters got together in the US and drove all over and had a blast there. Just having them come visiting gives my mum such a shot of energy! I just want to say bless them all.

Mini post 1

So many things I want to post about but unrelated. So for some mini posts...
Firstly I want to say that for the past couple of days I have been feeling a little down and thinking that depression is so difficult to shake off, unlike say an infection; after all it arises from one's worldview. I felt useless, felt I was a terrible communicator and generally was negative about me. Then this morning I got this forward--yes a forward--which really made my day and made me feel that after all maybe I'm doing ok.