"To a grandson"

Found this poem today when searching through old files, and written for my first grandchild, a long while back.

On a clear August day

Do you see the butterflies little one?

Fluttering through flowers and trees.

Look, look at the leaves floating down, little one

Hear them crunch beneath our feet.

Listen to the song of the wind little one

And feel it ruffle your hair.

Let’s call out to the crow little one,

Sitting on a branch just there.

The wonder in your eyes

Awakens wonder in my heart

And I wish you could stay,

And let me share the wonder.

Stay, little one,

Stay here, 

Safe in Grandma’s arms.

A link to an old post.

With so much division going on because of ones' beliefs, I am linking to this old post, An allegory, I did way back around 10 years back 

Random thoughts

There seems to be so much hatred flowing around the world--rising, rampant xenophobia.  Social media seems to have taken away politeness and concern for others it seems.  What with being able to find more, and then have more of the more of whatever way you lean, being given to you, till a point comes where you no longer wonder if any of this is right, you go off the edge and shoot people. 
There is also so much bad mouthing on the Internet.  It is as though, because someone is not physically facing the person to whom you are making remarks, you can say whatever you want, in as nasty a way as you want.  Also, there is the point that everyone wants to have opinions which are public and which one wants to be noticed by the maximum number of people--the equivalent of shouting from on top of a hill it seems to me.  So then if I shout, I should not really get upset that someone who was upset at my words, then proceeds to shout at me.  Looks like humanity is slowing losing all the culture that was built over years. 
I must say I am glad that there are also a number of positive things coming from the Internet like the TED lectures for example. 

This is all put very badly.  But the negative feelings have been building up.  I realise that here I am also a part of the problem. 

Birthdays

My oldest would have turned 45 on the 5th.  Somebody asked me the other day whether the missing of a person who has died, lessens with time.  I said that the missing does not ever go away.  It just gets easier to bear the pain of the missing.
Also my granddaughter turned 9 the day after that and she had a great party, with a bunch of her friends home for a sleepover.  I like that the girls who are her friends range from a year younger to a couple of years older.
Very soon, I will turn 67.  I find now I don't care either way about a great number of things, and am happy where I am.  I am glad  that I work out because I feel taking care of myself is a way to keep me independent as long as possible.  I am happy that I work with children, because that always makes me feel as though I am in touch with the future.  I no longer feel the need to do anything just to show the world/society, that I can do something.  Now, if I do anything, it is because I want to do it. 

Floods in Kerala

Indian news has been full of the floods in Kerala. It has been horrendous.  I personally was not affected because where I live is not very near to a river.  But all around my town, as well as up and down Kerala, the floods have caused devastation as I am sure many will know.  It has been one of the worst floods in many years, mainly because the state of Kerala was affected from North to South and the water was high and powerful. 
But here I do not want to go over many of the stories already out there.  I just want to admire the youngsters from our state.  The young people have gone out of their way to help in every which way they can, organising food, rescues, helping out at camps, now helping in cleaning up, and youngsters from all walks of life.  Appreciation has been given to our fisher folk, who really have been heroes and to the Armed Forces.  But here I want to express my appreciation for the very many youngsters who went all out to help whoever they could.  Kudos to you young people.  With such people around, the future of our state looks great!

Exciting Day!

Today I met up with my best friend from school after maybe 30 years.  She lives in Calcutta and I live far away in Kerala.  I met her last around 30 years ago, on a trip to Calcutta, but that was so briefly.  
This time she was here in Kerala with family and friends doing a tourist trip of the hills and backwaters.  Thanks to Facebook (occasionally some of the good things that come out of Facebook!) we were in touch with each other and hence the chance to meet.  We spent a lovely afternoon together in the middle of their trip and it really was wonderful.  After all, both of us passed out of school in 1966--52 years ago!!!  
We are both old and gray, but I think for both of us--for a little while at least--the years slipped away.  Lovely memories, great day.
Only--we forgot to take any photographs!

A whirlwind two weeks

My son and family had come here for just two weeks and it went by so fast, I can't even believe that they came and left!  But anyway at least we got them for 2 weeks.
I am sure though that they are glad to get back home as they have been out of their house for over 3 weeks, as they had a stop in Aspen, Colorado on the way here.
I miss them but it is a nice thought that we can visit them next year.

A rambling post

I was thinking about all the mental baggage we carry in our lives and how that baggage gets carried into our parenting, which then affects the next generation.  Even when we think that we are not being like our parents, the very rejection of something my parent did is in itself a mental baggage I pass on. Every generation thinks "I won't be like my parents in such and such;  I'll never do that".  That is natural--a wish for every generation to 'improve' on the previous one. But the interesting fact is that your child may not see this different behaviour as an 'improvement'. 
We reach a certain age I think, before we are able to dispassionately be aware of the emotional baggage we carry and for many women, I think, it comes after our children are well past the toddler stage, because, while our children are very young, parenting is so much on auto pilot, either with ideas automatically taken from a parent figure of from parenting books and we don't have the time to really think how the child interprets our actions.  And so, even if we think we do not pass on emotional baggage it happens.  So I guess none of us need to dis ourselves on that.  Most of us do the best we can and with love.

Busy April

This month has been kind of busy.
It was my husband's 70th birthday and he wanted a party.  As his family is large, there were almost 70 guests for the party.  My daughter did all the organising of the programme for the party and I must say my husband enjoyed it thoroughly.  There were speeches all round but what made him especially happy was a speech by his eldest grandson(almost 13) and another by a nephew; also, my daughter had asked people to contribute letters to her dad from his siblings, in-laws and any nieces/nephews who might want to add on too.  These she made into a little book and he was thrilled.
Now me, I know for my 70th birthday I want to be far away from here and spend a quiet day, with my children at the most.
The week after my husband's birthday was exciting for me as all my siblings & I got together.  As all my brothers (3 in all) are US citizens, it isn't often something like this happens.  We were all together only for 3 days but it was fun. 
Now there is a new little baby in the family too, a little baby girl.
So altogether it has been a busy and exciting April.  

5 years but like yesterday.

Recently it was the 5th death anniversary of my son, but it still seems like yesterday that he left forever.  I have been missing him so much, more than usual, his music, his laughter, his poking fun, but most of all his ability to help anyone among those he knew, who he felt needed help, needed boosting, needed advice, or just needed de-stressing.   Not to say I have spent the last 5 years mired in depression.  I and all of us in the family, have gone on with our lives, as though he was still here.  I can imagine his comments & remarks on so many incidents that happen each day. 
My husband & I recently heard, on BBC, a reading from the book 'Trumpet' by Jackie Kay where death does not become an absence but a presence and it just so resonated. 
He was a big Star Wars fan.  Shine in the Force son.

A weekend post

I have been cat-sitting my daughter's cat Tigger.  It has been fun.
We had cats when I was growing up, when in Calcutta, for a while, mainly because we were given two Siamese cats who had been spayed and house trained my an expat American couple, when they moved back to the US.  Otherwise, growing up and post my marriage, we have mainly been dog people.  Not to say I dislike cats.  I am not a cat hater.   In fact, as I tell people, I am a mammal person.  I am not averse to trying out any mammal that can be tamed except maybe the big shrew like rats we get here sometimes.  I have looked after a squirrel, sundry dogs, cats, goats and helped in looking after cows.  I am pretty sure I would not mind a monkey, I talk to the mongooses I see occasionally around here!
Anyway it was fun cat -sitting Tigger, who is a most affectionate cat.  The first thing in the morning, when he sees me, (I can't have him sleep with me as I am pretty allergic to cat hair) is to run and then lie flat in front of me for a tummy rub and general stroking.  He's already purring by the time he lies near me.  He then waits for me to get my coffee and sit down, so that he gets more petting.
I find this quite surprising because most cats don't come asking for petting like the dogs do.  He has 2 stuffed teddys, one of whom he especially loves and it is the greatest fun to see him playing with the teddy, kissing the teddy, rough housing with it and then hugging it.
My dogs are not let inside at all now, since he is in the house, and they are quite jealous, but also interested in this new character.  He sits and watches them from inside the house.  I think he would like to make friends, but they don't seem to take very kindly to that idea.
Anyway, tomorrow we take him back to my daughter's place.  I will miss him I know.  But then I do have my doggies.

It is 2018

Happy 2018 to all.

 My 46th wedding anniversary went by recently; my grandson will turn a teenager this year(!!) and it will be five years since my son passed away.  Life moves on inexorably.  There is no point looking back.  Forward is the only way.

I am hoping I can travel this year.  My husband & I have been talking about trips around India for a while.  Hopefully we can do at least a couple this year. 

I do not make new year resolutions, for quite a while now.  After all, the resolve for a change can be anytime.  But here's hoping I can make changes in me for the better this year.

Once more, wishing everyone a good, peaceful, year.