20 June 2008

Self-worth

When I'm just sitting around reading, hanging out at home or on a normal day in school, I feel that maybe I'm not too bad, and that I'm kinda worthwhile. But when I really interact--whether it's hearing what someone else did, or when I read blogs, I begin to feel that my life is so not worthy--as in when I see how well someone puts across a point, or at the good things they do for others, at the way people might be tackling their personal growth, at the wonderful social work so many people do, I feel that I am so not good enough. It takes a while of self-talk to be able to rationalize to myself that whatever my life, there are at least somethings I've done which are worthwhile and that it's not necessary to be the best in the field to be worthwhile. 'They also serve who only stand and wait' is a line that is always of comfort. It's from a poem by John Milton.
Here's the poem

On His Blindness

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait."

5 comments:

eve's lungs said...

This is a favourite poem of mine HG :)

ONEDIA HAYES SYLVEST said...

I don't even know what to say. Although I have experienced similar feelings at some times and understand on a brain level, my immediate reaction driven by my affection for you was to shout NO , No, don't say such things. But I understand that such self analysis is good for all of us. I personally think you are fabulous and love our midnight/midday chats.

Did that make any sense?

Shari said...

I go through this, too. I think I am doing just fine, then I see/her/hread about others doing so much to help others, and I think, am I doing enough? Should I do more? How?

I think you are doing just fine. You are helping children learn. :)
You love nature and birds.

Dotm said...

I also have times when I feel my life is going nowhere or that i am wasting whats left of my life, then along comes someone who makes me feel important to them. Or one of the kids calls to ask me how to do something, the way I used to phone my Dad for advice.
I am sure there are many parents who are so happy that you are the teacher helping to educate their children. There must be many days when you come home feeling proud of what your students have accomplished with your help. What a great position you hold in the future of these children you are teaching.

Amita said...

Your worth is the spark of hope that you leave with others without even knowing it.