21 January 2007

mortality

My mother's blood pressure has been going up and down. I have talked to various docs and they say it's vertigo. Her Bp also tends to go up when she's upset or worried and there have been a couple of things worrying her recently. But what really worried me was when a doctor cousin said that it may also be due to a carotid artery block/narrowing. Suddenly my mother's mortality became a reality.
My mother has been the bedrock of the family and all of us, sons and daughters, although all over 50, still see my mum in that way. The thought of her not being there one day became very real. I told myself that I would have to accept the fact that one day she wouldn't be there. Of course I had theoretically thought about it, but this time the thoughts were more than theory. It really shook me.
This made me think of mortality in general..... the fact that my mother would almost definitely not be there when my grandson goes to college, .....that I would not be there most probably to see K's grandchildren. That reminded me of the beautiful words of Kahlil Gibran from his poem on children:

"You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."

The poem goes on to say

'For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.'

The memory of th poem eased my mind and I returned to my favourite position-- 'I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.'


5 comments:

Sara said...

I often go through phases when I worry about my mum (or my husband, or my chidren) not being here any more. I don't know what the answer is. Sometimes I just think "I'll deal with it when it happens" other times I fret. The poem you quoted by Kahlil Gibran is so very true. When we are able to see the bigger picture it is comforting, I think.

Dotm said...

I hope your Mom is doing better and it doesn`t turn out to be anything seriously wrong. I wish her the best. I think we appreciate our parents even more after we become parents ourself.

Lost my Dad in 1975 and my Mom in 1995, but there isn`t a time when I didn`t wish I could ask them for advice on something. We never stop needing them and never stop thinking of them. But, the times come when we find ourself in their place in our own kids eyes. Life keeps repeating with the next generation stepping into the steps of the last generation. I have so many new grandchildren in the past 4 years that will never meet their granddad. He would have loved each one of them.
All the best for your mom`s health.

Me said...

I love that portion of the prophet!!!everything about yours posts seem so relaxing...i feel as if i can hear the birds chirping when I read you :)

hillgrandmom said...

Sara, I totally love that poem about children!
Dot, thanks, my mother's much better.
Me, thanks so much for what you said.

eve's lungs said...

I hope your mother gets well soon -at this age you have to wrap them up in cotton wool and take great care like we do with my 90 year old father in law .