My last few posts have been about missing my son. But I want to add that life goes on. My grandson was here for a few days and brought a great deal of life into the house. Then too, even without him having been there, the mundane, the nitty-gritty of life goes on and thoughts of my children and their families are, passing thoughts in my mind, as they were at the beginning of this year, and then, the thought comes that my eldest son is no more and it's unreal.
I am told that around here, most people feel that I have handled/am handling our tragedy well, but that it is my husband who is most upset. Ah well! I am too used to being the shoulder that is cried on to be easily able to reverse that role. I have fixed a rather large plaster over the wound, made out of reading favourite books and listening to Jazz, mostly Latin jazz, music I love, (which has no associations with my son) and I am way too scared to even think about looking under the plaster, because I am so sure the scab will come away with the plaster too.
How crazy that folks should think your husband should be more upset:( I suppose that is a culture thing...? I have every sympathy for the way you feel,Sue: I felt the same way when my mother died - forced to keep resolutely carry on behaving "normally" when inside there was only grief. The times I was alone were the only real times I could let it all out. Maybe in a way putting a brave face on is nature's way of making us survive as I suppose in a sense we can only live for the future and not for the past. I know your loss is great - losing a parent as I did can be reconciled with age and the circle of life- but a child well that is a different kind of loss. There is no shame is shedding your tears but keeping yourself busy will help the time pass so eventually a day will come when you can think of your son and still face the day with a true smile. You are doing well,Sue - it is early days. Keeping focussing on the small things, the positives and you will get there. X
ReplyDeleteI think people have different ways of dealing with grief. I hope both of you are okay. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteJane, in our culture it's considered ok for both men and women to show their emotions, but generally folks expect that women show their emotions more.
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by 3inone.
We all have our own way of expressing grief. When my MIL passed away folks criticised my sister in law for being well dressed and for going out shopping etc. I defended her saying that she was the daughter and would miss her mother much more than I would. Later my SIL admitted to missing her mom in the house and chose to go out on any and every pretext. Appearances deceive and it is not possible for everyone to express grief verbally but it is there all the same.
ReplyDeleteYes, HGma, for each person it's different and too, some days are fine and some days just aren't! Thanks for dropping by.
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