09 October 2007

Yesterday I turned 56. As I made a cake after work and got ready for the family's visit, I thought back to the me I had been around 5 years ago. I saw how deeply depressed I had been.
After my children left home for university and I changed my job for a while, I just slipped deeper & deeper into depression. It was only by rigidly compartmentalizing and tightly controlling my mind that I could make myself get up every morning and keep on living. The fact that I had so much to be thankful for only served to make me feel worse, feel even more worthless. The world was so gray I can't tell you. It's only after I went through a kind of group therapy that change started happening. Yesterday, being my birthday I suppose, I found myself watching each action of mine and thinking how different it was a while back. I am so glad I can see colour in my life again. The thing is, circumstances have hardly changed, only my outlook has.

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Listening to: Paul Desmond - Body and Soul - The Best of the Complete Paul Desmond
via FoxyTunes

9 comments:

Shari said...

Look at how far you've come!! I like that you knew that circumstances wouldn't change, but it's the outlook that had to change. That's what I do. Always look for positives within the negatives. I try to keep myself from sinking into the depths of depression. Occassionally, I admit I do have a pity party, then I snap out of it and move on. Thanks for sharing.

hillgrandmom said...

Shari, I think you are an amazing person!

Beks said...

hugs!

3inone said...

Belated happy birthday, hgm.
I think you're an amazing person. Love reading your posts.

eve's lungs said...

A very happy birthday to you ! Look at where you are now. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead ith all your loved ones.

Esbee said...

Happy belated birthday!

May the years ahead be bursting over with happiness.

Geets said...

Happy Birthday, Suze. Actually I remembered on 7th but forgot on 8th. Have a great year ahead. Think positive and count your blessings....Nice to know that you enjoyed your Delhi visit. I saw some of the pics. The one with the ladies in Kasavu Saree is awesome. Are you in it? Did the Bongs fall for the Kerala dress?
God Bless

MrsGrumpy said...

Happy belated birthday... And I am going to hold on to the things that you said in your entry...and hope that I can apply them to myself in some way. Thank you

Tys on Ice said...

happy belated birthday!

iam glad that u were able to claw ur way out of the depression ...the climate there wouldnt have helped you much...its just great that you chose to rise instead of wallowing...